Wednesday, November 19, 2003Uncle Bud's Hospital Experience
show us, Bud! show us on the doll where they touched you!
This is totally going somewhere!
But where I don't know.
I was so intent on grabbing this album cover art (and it is art) that I was perplexed for a moment when I heard my default noise.
"Do you want to overwrite this image?"
I had already, somnambulistically saved it...
...and then I clicked "YES" anyway.
This is becoming a mania with me.
Thanks again to Show & Tell Music for blowing my mind.
But this is merely a diversionary tactic.
Today my very fat, very dumb, endlessly loveable cat Lucy, the one my homey Nanc described as "the incredible shrinking head", passed on to that great Friskies Buffet in the sky.
In lieu of condolences or prayer, the taiwan_on family ask that you, at some point during your day, "raise the roof" in a symbolic gesture. As if your were boosting her giant ass up to the v.i.p. table.
Yelling "ole!" is optional.
I will miss sleeping curled on my side, with her incredible shrinking head mooshed against my butt.
When you get there, give Jude a head-butt for me, will ya' girl? Although you'll want to bring a towel and some mints, as he will be the one with his head in either the toilet or the catbox.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 11:06 PM#
Thursday, November 13, 200330-Something Woman Seeking Sweet Action...
...will work for subscription
This is as long overdue as "upkilt" sites were!
If I can't get this somewhere in Boston or surrounding areas, I'll die.
Eros Boutique and Grand Opening, are you listening?!
Thanks to Jane Magazine for the...uh...heads up.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 12:47 AM#
Wednesday, November 05, 2003Happy Birthday To Me?
As dorky as I wanna be.
Well, home from work again. I wish I could say this was a playful case of birthday hooky, but turns out this thing is for reals.
Got some kind of stomach virus or flu or some shit. Not good. In any case, I'm trying not to think about the fortune-related implications of being ill on my 31st birthday. Instead, let's think about other things like trotting out some embarrassingly dorky pictures of me as a young lass. Or at least one dorky pic.
I was actually in search of another photo that my mother insists exists somewhere but I have no recall of and cannot seem to find anywhere.
See, for my 6th birthday, my dad built me my own short-assed little artist's easel. I remember how badly I wanted one because we had them in kindergarten and I always thought they were so cool, like, couldn't-properly-paint-without-one cool.
Well, dad worked on this one for what seemed like an eternity to me. I knew he was building me something, but I wasn't allowed in his workshop until it was finished, so instead I badgered him for hints. He said; "It rhymes with weasel."
Would you believe I still never guessed what it was? I'll have to ask my mother if I took the short bus to school.
Anyway, I got the easel for my birthday, and I was ecstatic. I painted with it constantly, but in a very specific way.
You see, I would only paint at my easel in my Wonderwoman or R2D2 Underoos, and wearing a Burgundy beret.
I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. I have photographic evidence, and I can't find it. Dammit.
So, instead, here's a picture of me, age 11 (20 years ago!!) on my bike with all sorts of dorky accessories that I still think are cool.
(there's a detailed view below it.)
And I am sure there are snacks in that basket somewhere. Knowing me, there are definitely snacks. No doubt about it.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:07 PM#
This Just In...
...Your cooch! Hahahaha!
So, I was looking at my referrer links, as I am often wont to do, and lo'! I come across this search string gem:
Instead Softcup Diagrams.
Kitten, do you think there's someone out there, with a batch of polyurethane, pouring their own alternative feminine hygiene?
Jesus Christ, that's even cooler than rolling your own cigarettes!
For anyone demeted enough to desire a follow-up to this infamous post, yes I have finally learned how to correctly use them, every time, and yes, they have totally changed my life. (read: Made sex under the red roof in a tidy little dream. Hey, ain't nothin' gonna' break-a my stride. There's one conspicuously absent from the 80's lyrics quiz!)
Not like you asked, but, y'know.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:07 AM#
Tuesday, November 04, 2003Believe Me...
You don't have anything better to do than this, I assure you.
This could quite possibly be THE GREATEST 80'S LYRICS QUIZ of all time.
If you don't think this shit is hard, you're frontin'.
Let me know if any of you sucka' M.C.s beat my 99%. No cheating.
The results page gives you a lot of smart-assed remarks for both the answers you miss and the answers you get. The smart remark that made me puff up like a blow-fish?
The comment on my CORRECT answer to question #83:
"Ok either 1)You've read The Straight Dope or 2)You are a god. Either way 10 points"
It's goddess, actually, dahlink. But, yes, I am, thank you.
So, in honor of my 31st birfday tomorrow, have a little nostalgia and rock this test.
Much, much, MUCH thanks to yetanotherdot.com (the front door of which appears to not yet be open at the time of this posting).
posted by taiwan_on 'round 4:23 PM#
For Me To Poop On!
Click here to see this website pooped on.
Should I add this to my list of things to do when I play hooky? Because I did.
...Play hooky I mean, not poop on stuff.
I heart Triumph.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 3:25 PM#
Monday, November 03, 2003Listy Lunes
a Monday meme.
Seeing as I'm sitting here, wishing I was smart enough to come up with a good excuse to bang into work today for my lousy mandatory closing shift, I thought the topic of today's Listy Lunes was so fitting it was almost eerie...
(and no, I'm not going to play hooky because I have simply used every excuse already one can possibly, and just barely, use.)
"List your Favorite Things to do When you Play Hooky"
1.) Smoke up and watch movies. This is honestly the most decadent, sinful and enjoyable way that I can possibly think of to fritter away a day.
2.) Nap. Naps rule so much more than regular sleep it astounds me. For one thing, it feels like stolen time because it's not normal sleep time, and second, my dreams are way more interesting and easier to remember, probably because I'm already pretty well-rested. Also, those dreams tend to be at least 75% more in favor of erotic content.
3.) Blog leisurely, because if I'm playing hooky, I have some much-needed time on my hands to do so.
4.) Try to break some kind of orgasm record. Sure it's not "productive" in the traditional sense, but, uhm....who cares?!
So there you have it. A bit more oversharing from yours truly.
I also forgot to mention a momentous event at that aforementioned Halloween party. Someone, we'll call him "F" to protect his anonymity, commented to another person at the party afflicted with a coughing fit; "Homeboy, I think you have the consumption."
Why is this a momentous occasion? Because although I have no facts to back it up, I am 100% positive that this was the first time in human history that anyone used the words "Homeboy" and "The Consumption" (in reference to the disease) in the same sentence. Ever.
If anyone has proof contradicting me, I'd like to see it.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 3:17 PM#
The Ghosts of Halloween Past
taiwan_on visits some old friends!
Well, Kitten, another Halloween in the can.
Boyfriend and I, after some familliar last minute scramblings and a frantic grab for flourecent wigs, stage blood, a syringe, and yards and yards of gauze, went as horrible little approximations of The Art of Trevor Brown.
...Not in the best of taste, I suppose, but shrug.
However, not to be out-done, the host of this little shin-dig came as none other than your man Kurt Cobain. Flannel shirt, syringe of his own, cordite shotgun blast smudge under the chin, and the nastiest, goriest, most painstakingly rendered exit wound I've ever had the misfortune to see. Check this out:
It was beautiful! I hope I'm not divulging any trade secrets here, but I hear the offending material was constructed using a partially boiled egg, heaps of fake blood, gray food coloring and chunks of egg shells. I swear the thing just got more and more wretched as the night wore on. Every time I got a gander at his head, I, as politely and discreetly as possible, threw up in my hand.
Come to think of it, about 80% of the costumes were in hellaciously poor taste. It was like a competition to see who could be the most crude, vile and offensive...
...and I loved every one of them for it!
So, thanks cats. It's been a long, long time since I've seen y'all, and now I totally remember why.
(kidding! I kid you!)
It was good to see the legendary party house still in top form, and apparently located on a party street. If you'd blindfolded me, I'd have wandered into at least five wrong houses as everybody on the block seemed to be throwing a Halloween party.
Still though, it must have been pretty loud, because the cops showed up!
But it was cool because they were not only ready to party, but they totally brought candy. And breasts!
And the legs at this to-do were pretty out of control too.
Boyfriend and I had a pretty wicked time, so thanks to all my long-lost peeps for making us feel so totally at home. Even though none of you knew who we were dressed as. (Informal poll results show that 92% of party goers thought we were Sid and Nancy. The other 8% were undecided.)
But before you go thinking we won the prize for most obscure reference, some very cool dude went as Zartan.
How cool is that? I want to adopt him and his very cool lady as my new best friends. They rocked.
Well, Kitten, I'm off now to enjoy some late night reheated hot-n-sour soup and the mind-numbing bliss that is satellite television at this hour (read: pseudoporn). And I'll be taking an extended gander at this very cool site I happened upon. Zuliman, I don't know who you are, but your wish list reads like every wet dream I've ever had, you're hilarious and you like Jessica, so you clearly rock. Thanks for the link, Kitten.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 4:33 AM#