...if this is your first night, you have to fight.


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Monday, October 27, 2003

Hot, Free Pr0n
git yer freak on

Granted, while I get more search string hits for things like homemade squirrel den plans (no shit) than I do for free, hardcore "pr0n", I'm feeling very benevolent today and thought I'd throw you all a bone.

Go here for all the hot, FREE sex action you so could ever want but are apparently too scared to ask for:
Link to the Stick Porn!

Great, now that you've got that out of your system, you can go back to looking for pictures of foreheads infected with scabies and help for your suppository fetish.

posted by taiwan_on 'round 3:39 PM#
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Sunday, October 19, 2003

One Martini, Two Martinis, Three Martinis, FLOOR!
...and if that doesn't do it, well then drink a couple more!

Okay, say it with me, Kitten...

one Ketel One & tonic, one not-quite vodka collins, and one definitely-not-a-sidecar

..."Oooooh, gawd! I'm never going to drink that much ever, ever, EVER again!"

Yeah, right. You just keep telling yourself that, you filthy little Stoli strumpet.

So Boyfriend & I went out with my very cool friend, Helen, a.k.a. "Helenor-You're-Really-Swellenor", for a night of sushi, slurring and snapshots. If you were in the Harvard Sq. area between the hours of 8PM and 2AM, we're really very, very sorry. Except for the staff at Charlie's Kitchen...we meant every word of it. You cats really need to learn how to mix a sidecar. I mean, Jesus Christ on a bike, what the hell was that, whiskey? Blech!

look, forget the sidecar, just pour some cranberry juice in a glass and wave the bottle of Stoli Raspberry over it a couple of times why dontcha'. what the fuck?

On the other hand, if you're looking for a scrumptious dirty martini, go to Chez Henri at 1 Shepard Pl. in Cambridge. You can also have Chartruese there, but that's not recommended for the faint of heart. People are still making pirate jokes at me because after 2 servings I walked around covering one eye with my hand because:
a.) Looking out both eyes was too confusing, due to the trails.
b.) I no longer had the motor skills to simply close one eye.
c.) D.R. - Don't Remember (anything!)
Pick one, Kitten. They're all correct answers.

Helen informs me that there's "somewhere" that serves dirty martinis complete with olives stuffed with blue cheese, but I was too drunk to remember where that is. Watch this space though, as I will post the name when I do find out.

The evening started out at Guyahama, also known as "Rock-n-Roll Sushi" on Boylston St. which, despite my long, illustrious love affair with sushi I had never been to. The food was excellent but the drinks were downright deadly. After 2 vodka collins, all plans to catch a movie that was previously top-priority at Kendall went out the window, and my only priority became: "We need to figure out how to get some DRINKS!"

So, after a brief stop-off to grab the new baby, my Nikon Coolpix 885, whose battery was charging at Boyfriend's, we set out to bring mischief, mayhem and flashbulb eyes to the streets of Cambridge.

It's a beautiful little camera, and I'm definitely in love. She needs a bigger memory card and a back-up battery or two (thing sucks up lithium ions like I suck up cosmos!), but other than that, she's perfect! Able to handle a variety of shots in a variety of situations, and even some of my fucked-up, low-light, camera-shake shots come out looking convincingly "arty". Such a crisp little LCD display, too! She's definitely a little too fond of the color red and may or may not have a hot pixel or two, but I suspect once I remedy my own photoilliteracy, we may be able to overcome these extremely minor problems. So, yes, this is the beginning of a great technological relationship, and yes, you can expect a lot more pictures on this site.

I wish I could share some of the portrait shots of my beautiful Boyfriend and my beautiful friend Helen, as these were easily the best images I managed to catch. However, we must protect the guilty, no? Instead, here's a picture of a sculpture of a thing playing its nose like a trumpet...

toot away, you brass bastard!

This little adventure made me wonder: why don't I see Helen more? She's a fahckin' hoot, I tellsya' and really, far too cool to be seen in public with the likes of me. And why didn't I carry a camera more often? When I think of all those halcyon days of youth spent in dance clubs, at rock shows and great Halloween parties, I can't help but mourn all of the great imagery that has passed me by. *sigh* I do look forward to the days to come, however, and I'll try to catch all of the good stuff this time around.

But one thing I don't have to wonder about is why I don't drink like that more often. Lordy me! So this is what a massive hangover feels like, huh? Goddamn, but I am a lightweight. I think I damaged my ability to produce an adequate amount of saliva for good. And I'm a bit concerned that everything that exits my ass from now on will be in a liquid or a gas form of some kind. This is rather worrying.

Really, I mean this: I will never, ever drink that much again...

Unless its scotch.

posted by taiwan_on 'round 9:30 PM#
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Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Fun at the Fair
Topsfield. Reprazent!

So, Boyfriend and I went to the Topsfield Fair this weekend, which, if you don't know is like, The Best Fair Of All Time. (in caps.)

I took my trusty point-and-click camera (a Chinon pocket zoom) on what could potentially be its last shooting voyage as my NEW NIKON COOLPIX 885 has arrived at Boyfriend's house, uhh, TODAY, in fact. (WOO HOO!) A way-too-early b-day present for lil' ole' me courtesy of Mom, Dad & Boyfriend. (Thanks y'all! I'm totally not worthy!)

This means that you'll hopefully be seeing lots more (and better) nonsense like the following sights I found snap-worthy at the fair.


First off, here's my favorite picture of the fair itself, which is in for some serious Photoshop tweaking.
Is that the Flipper game over there? I totally win at that one every time. EVERY TIME, I say! Damn you!


As for this one, I don't know who they were trying to impress here, but I'm guessing it was the Topsfield country bumpkins. I'm from Dorchester, baby. We eat 100 lb. rats for breakfast! Shit, I had a 100 lb. rat when I was a kid for like, eight years before I realized it wasn't a german shepard!
Whoop-dee-shit! You call that a rat?


I had about 40 jokes lined up for this one, but I think I'd rather tell you about the cops that were standing not 5 yards from this little beauty. Imagine selling blow like that, right in front of the police! If I had any balls at all, I'd have got them in the frame, too. No idea why I chickened out, either, as this was one of the few times I've ever been anywhere without controlled substances of some kind on my person.
After 20 minutes crowded into the same stall, it became apparent to fairgoers that this was a case of blatant false advertising.


And best of all, I found irrefutable proof that Gummi is indeed still working at least part-time at the carnival. Don't believe me? Check it out!
You probably can't read the rest of the sign, but it says: You talk to her and she talks smack back!


Notice the carny obsession with all of their attractions being "ALIVE!"? I guess a 29" dead chick's a bit of a bum-out. Not to mention how the smell of a dead 100 lb. rat can drive down revenues. I can't say for sure, but I'm guesing that ALIVE! 100 lb. rat probably smelled a bit like a pig in a rat suit. Why didn't I pony up that buck to see it. Damn missed opportunities!

All in all, a great time was had by all. So, kids, if you didn't make it to the Topsfield Fair last weekend, you're pretty much screwed, as it's gone now. But there's always next year, so let that be a lesson to you!

posted by taiwan_on 'round 9:47 PM#
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Female/26-30. Lives in United States/Massachusettes/Brockton/North Brockton, speaks English. Spends 20% of daytime online. Uses a Fast (128k-512k) connection. And likes Film/Writing.
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Brockton, North Brockton,
English, Female, 26-30,
Film, Writing.



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