Monday, September 29, 2003Uh...Oh...Oh My God I'm Going to Be Sick...
...or die laughing in a way I feel moral stabbings about.
Please, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK. (Not safe for work and just not...well...kosha'.)
Goddamn you, Milk & Cookies and E-Baums World.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 10:41 PM#
Friday, September 26, 2003Where it's at
come to the Abbey, suckas!
Red Zone Cuba will be playing their LAST SHOW EVER in Boston tonight at the Abbey Lounge.
They're going on "rawther" late, 'round 11:00 PM, which means yours truly should be well and schnockered before the set even starts. Fun.
Like, be there.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 6:46 PM#
Thursday, September 25, 2003Guess the TV Show or Movie Name
Also known as: "Guess The TV Show or Movie Name That Is In Taiwan_On's Media-Obsessed Little Head That, Like, Nobody Else With Other Things To Do Remembers".
THIS is evilly addictive.
Pick a really obscure movie, and you'll be surprised at how quickly you're found out.
Pick a really, really, really, ridiculously obscure movie, and you're in for lots of frustration, and, eventually, the chance to add a question to the database and feel like a clever-trousers.
...Or spend five minutes harranguing a database for citing a completely misleading question as your error.
Until you realize what a lame-ass movie geek you are for being angry at a database (Sarah Polley was so NOT fucking in "Near Dark"!) and then you humbly shut the fuck up.
Oh, no wait that's me. Yelling at databases, I mean, not the amazingly hot Jenny Wright in Near Dark.
And I stumped you with "Valmont", too, ya bastard! And don't give me any of that "you said "no" to the "does someone bet and lose a lot of money?" question when it was clearly yes", bullshit. Everybody knows there was absolutely no money involved in the wager. The stakes were Merteuil's body if Valmont won and time served in a monastery if Merteuil won. Sheesh.
See, Kitten? See what a movie dork I am?
posted by taiwan_on 'round 12:17 AM#
Monday, September 22, 2003Hey, Bartender!
...can I get a drink over here!?
Kitten, can I tell you how excited I am that I've finally found out what's become of Jess, of "Boat Drinks" fame?
Listen to me, talking like I know her! I wish!
Anyway, she's HERE now, so go and check her out because she rocks, like always.
I have so much to say, about seeing Party Monster, about another incredible weekend with Boyfriend, about how freaked out I am that summer is obviously coming to a close, but I'm plumb knackered.
Been working all evening & into the wee hours on a review of Party Monster that is to appear elsewhere, so there's nothing left of little old me to throw out entertainment-wise. (I am as unsure about how good it as as I am unsure of how good the movie was.) And I have the shitty hits to prove it, uh-huh. Might as well pass them on, right?
So go check out Boat Drinks. She's much cooler than me.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 2:22 AM#
Tuesday, September 16, 2003Party Monster
Party Monster Official Website
Kitten, I'm so jacked-up about the opening of Party Monster at Kendall Sq. Cinema this Friday that I'm seriously in danger of piddling my knickers.
After cruising some of the photos from the official site, I've decided I would sell my soul for a complete grab-bag from the premier party. Man that looks cool.
Macaulay Culkin will be starring as Michael Alig himself, and his portrayal is so far being compared to Natalie Schafer's "Lovey" on Gilligan's Island . Bloody hell! Culkin's balls-out come-back? We'll see.
This one will be an amazing piece of eye candy, and if it's more, then all the better. For what it's worth, the original documentary version of Party Monster is some pretty harsh shit.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:14 AM#
Monday, September 15, 2003This Website...
can totally kick your ass.
If you can't dazzle them with blogging, riddle them with bullets, I say.
Or at least rain down mighty blows with your testicles.
Sorry, I mean tentacles.
Care to go a few rounds with the Giant Battle Monster incarnation of my site? Well, let's step outside, bitch!
Brilliant diversion courtesy of The Surrealist.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 3:03 PM#
Tuesday, September 09, 2003Long Weekend
'bout seven days
Been awhile since I posted on the blog. It took me about seven days to gear up for a long weekend in VT w/ Boyfriend for his Grandma's funeral.
Surprising how much pleasure was to be discovered on this trip, considering our reason for being there couldn't have been more business, but that's one of the things I like so much about being with Boyfriend. Life finally rides along like the precision balance of a fine, German automobile, taken for a spin through the Green Mountain State.
In a matter of a week, there was a birth (Boyfriend's band's lead singer's), there was a death (aforementioned), and there was an anniversary (ours. one year.). I spent all of those days unsure of whether to laugh or cry, so I did both. If this year is any indication of my time to come with Boyfriend, deal me in. It would be my pleasure.
We arrived at our hotel 'round 2:00 AM Thursday Night. I know this is technically Friday morning, but you're on taiwan_on time here, which means that the world hadn't ceased to be because I hadn't gone to sleep yet. Boyfriend's sister was pals with the desk clerk from back in the day when she used to live in Burlington VT, so we had the hook up in case I needed any extra sugar and fake creamer for my coffee. Which I did.
Honestly, Kitten, what's up with that? Now, I know I tend to overuse both coffee additives, but two tiny packets of sugar and "coffee lightener" for each four cup pot? That's insane. I really should have mentioned that in my comments card.
Uh huh, this hotel had a comments card, which I really could have used at the last place we stayed, but honestly, for that I'd have filled about 30 pages and needed a stenographer.
Anyway, after abusing the coffee pot and Comedy Central, we just crashed, so that's all for that day.
The next morning, however, I was in for a real treat on the telly, because that's one of the great joys of travelling. Having breakfast and seeing what your destination has to offer on its public access channels. Along with my oatmeal bites, I enjoyed V-CAM, Ch. 15 (that layout looks totally like one of the default blogger templates), or more specifically, THE DAVEY HORROR SHOW.
Dudes, I was practically jumping up and down on the bed I was so excited. This guy is now on my list of dream autographs. Right up there with Commander USA. Remember him? Actually, I was/am even a member of the Commander USA Groovy Movie Club! I have a membership card and everything with a picture of him and Lefty on it. ("Lefty" being his left hand with a 2 dots and a line of a face smudged on using the ash end of his cigar.) Most nightclubs will not accept this as a valid form of identification I've learned, but if I find it, I'll scan it for you anyway.
And not for nothin', but the show that followed was called Captain Cartoon and the "host" looked and sounded awfully familliar. Like maybe he sounded a little like Davey Horror going "ARGH!" after every sentence (and as every verbal pause), and maybe he looked like the same pirate puppet "guest" Davey conferred with during the early portion of this week's episode of the Davey Horror Show. Hmmm. Curious, Kitten. Very curious.
And can I tell you how pissed I am that I missed, not only the possibility of catching an episode of Subterranean SINema, but the entire 6 or 7 season run altogether as of September 1st? How jipped am I? But don't fret, we'll still be able to catch their other show, Satanism Today. (!?)
But enough about that nonsense...
Boyfriend's Grandma's graveside service was conducted by a fellow known to me only as "Gary". I've no idea if he's a priest or a minister or a grand poobah, so informal and laid back and cool this cat was. There was a soft breeze in the air, and we were surrounded by these beautiful trees that looked immediately familliar to me because there is one just like it hugging the brick stairs of Boyfriend's apartment all the way back in Belmont and I am in love with that tree. It gets covered in these blooms that look exactly like huge, white lilacs and it has a very faint honeysuckle scent that seems better suited to springtime. When I sneak out for a smoke at Boyfriend's place, I sit as close as I can to that tree's branches and inhale it along with my wretched addiction, silently communing with it and hoping I don't offend it. It was comforting to see that tree's brothers and sisters all the way out there, and in such strong numbers.
From that sad, yet beautifully uplifiting service, we went back to Boyfriend's grandparents' homestead along the banks of Lake Champlain. I took pictures of Boyfriend and his sister skipping stones and we had a walk along the traintracks where we searched for old railroad nails and probably annoyed a very patient grasshopper. We headed off to do some shopping where we scored, among other things, some really tasty "nori snacks" and some nasty-ass seaweed candy that gave us all major kitten breath. Then we went to dinner at Koto again, and more or less "accidentally" got loaded on Kotopolitains and Sake Martinis. Well, it was "accidental" at first, but then it got really "on purpose". I don't blame our overnight desk clerk "buddy" for denying our request of an unauthorized late-night swim when we reeled back to the hotel. Not one bit.
That night I woke Boyfriend in the middle of the night with my sleep-talking. Neither one of us have any recollection of exactly what I was saying, and Boyfriend insists that at one point I was blatantly talking gibberish, but it must have been a rather funny conversation I was having, because I kept giggling. He said it was cute because it seemed like I was continuing a conversation with him. I think that may have been the first time ever in my life that I've sleep-giggled.
The next day was the Funeral Mass, hosted again by your man Gary. He was on fire. It made me realize that the Catholics could learn a thing or two from the Episcopalians about a proper funeral. Yours truly is neither, but I've been to a lot of Catholic funerals, more than I care to enumerate, and I've never seen anything like this. I heard some of the funniest anecdotes, the most beautiful excerpts from her letters (what a letter-writer she was, Kitten.), and the most incredible eulogies I have ever had the good fortune to hear. She was an amazing woman who read biographies voraciously, believed Jane Austen was the only worthwhile fiction writer out there, and cared for people passionately. She had the kind of marriage that the sucka's of today can't even concieve of. 63(?) years spent with a man, who she wrote, she fell in love with at first sight and, I believe, continues to love even now from afar. Their secret? Humor. Loads of it. As evidenced by the alternating laughter and tears of all present, including me, who only was lucky enough to meet her once.
After the service, Boyfriend's family had everyone over for dinner. There was a massive and boisterous sing-along. Now, you say something like "family sing-along" to me and my first reaction is to say; "man, that shit's hokey." But when the men that lead it sing barbershop quartet and the aunties are all harmonizing, it's like, cool, y'know? It was then that Boyfriend's sister snapped the only picture of me that exists in the three rolls of film I shot for this trip, and I'm crying in it. You can't have expected me to come out of "You Are My Sunshine" in one piece, can you Kitten?
When we headed back to the hotel homestead, we brought one of Boyfriend's 20-something cousins with us for a sober Saturday night swim and the intention of a night on the town, but Boyfriend and I had to leave part two of that plan to Boyfriend's sister and our hotel desk-clerk buddy (it was his night off). Boyfriend and I, being the old fogies we are, opted for some alone time of snacking, watching that great SNL re-run with John McCain hosting, the most wrong and off-the-hook episode of South Park I've ever seen, some bad stand-up on Comedy Central and, uhm, "other stuff".
The next morning, after a check-out time of 11:00 AM which for some reason felt way too early, we said our goodbyes, watched an episode of Spongebob Squarepants we had never seen with Boyfriend's 11 year old cousin (who was kind enough to re-cap many of the episodes we had missed) and then hit all our usual Vermont haunts. The Magic Hat Brewing Company where I got me two growlers of "Hi-PA", a very hoppy pale ale, and Battery Street Jeans (which sadly, has no website.), where I got one very old and one very new pairs of jeans for myself. Then it was on the road again, with a few stops for coffee and pee-breaks along the way.
It was Sunday, now, September 7th, and it was mine and Boyfriend's one year anniversary. I mused at how unfortunate it was that this occasion should fall on another marked by such loss, but when we arrived back at Boyfriend's place and took a moment to cuddle before I went back to my home, I understood a few more things.
Our passion met a force to be reckoned with that weekend, in the form of an epic romance that entered a new phase right before our very (and comparatively very new) eyes. It made me feel how lucky we are to have found each other, and how lucky we are to know how lucky we are. It made me see how important it is to live very day alert and amused, to cherish the good as well as the not-so-good. It made me a little scared of relationships because even when it's incredible all the way through, like Boyfriend's grandparent's was, and no one has any intention of leaving, someone still has to go elsewhere someday. But it also made me realize that to give in to that fear would be a crazy-ass thing to do. It made me hope that death would be the only thing to separate us, and that death would be a long, long, long way off.
And it just made me a little giddy to write that just now, because I know I really mean it.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 2:34 AM#
Wednesday, September 03, 2003Beef!
it's what's for dinner. and if it's not you're a commie.
Boyfriend is going to think I'm taking the piss or playing with Photoshop again, but I swear to Dog I'm not. The only thing I did to this in Photoshop is resize it a bit. The original was simply too terrifying in its hugeness.
This is a real, honest to goodness...uh...public service ad of some kind by the American Meat Institute from 1946.
And it's giving me the creeps.
Found it at ephemeranow.com which must be seen to be believed.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:27 AM#
Tuesday, September 02, 2003Begin Chill Mode...
...in three, two, one...
Okay, so I finally think this obsessive-compulsive can lay off for a bit, at least in regards to the site.
Instead, I'm going to be o/c about this post, and bring you...
THE LOST CUPCAKE HIGHLIGHTS POST!
As you may or may not care, I failed to post a Cupcake of the Month for the months of January, February, March, April, May, June, July and August. Blame the fact that I am smitten with Boyfriend, who leaves all Cupcakes in the dust. But I cannot very well neglect my Cupcakely duties in the name of love, can I?
So onward, Cupcake Soldiers! We must honor those who were forgotten among the battlefields of passion!
January 2003 - Milla Jovovich
Ah, Milla. By choosing this picture as a highlight I have shamefully stacked the Cupcake deck in her favor. As one of only 3 female Cupcakes, every guy will, and admittedly should, vote for Milla. Picture's pretty hot though, huh?
February 2003 - Ian Somerhalder
Dude, the serruptitious jerking off scene in Rules of Attraction with your man Ian, here? Completely fucked me up. Grrrr.
March 2003 - Shosuke Tanihara
Speaking of fucked-up, ever seen Fudoh, Kitten? Good movie? Bad movie? Nobody cares. Because you simply can't say you've seen anything like it before. I won't allow it. Try me. I'll put yah' head out!
April 2003 - Cillian Murphy
This guy is going to be a household name before you know it. Wanna' know how I know? Because your girlfriend is secretly longing for that horrible day when she calls it out while you're doing her. Then it'll be a name in your household, won't it? Thought so. And go see him in 28 Days Later, too.
May 2003 - Justin Theroux
Six Feet Under ended its third season what feels like a thousand years ago. And the reason the next season feels like billions and billions of years away is because they introduced this totally cute French horn player who feeds stray cats and is totally going to bang Brenda. Please, HBO, hurry! We're dyin' over here!
June 2003 - Adrien Brody
Okay, when I saw Liberty Heights a couple of years ago, I was like "dude, I should make him a Cupcake." Then something shiny distracted me and by the time he slipped Halle Berry the tongue at the Oscars I was all; "DOH!" Ah, missed opportunities.
July 2003 - Liv Tyler
Liv, You are as cute as a basket of fuck! Are you as sweet and nice and innocent and un-pretentious as you come off in interviews and your adorable little blurbs in Jane magazine? If you are, will you be my friend? I should warn you that I have trouble keeping up with e-mails. Ask anyone.
August 2003 - Orlando Bloom
Why all you guys frontin' on Legolas? Because your girlfriend liked him? Come on, you know he pretty. You'd kiss him too, if you could. Bet his hair feels nice. Mmm-hmm. Legolas, I love you, but I'm not buying LOTR-II until the enhanced version comes out while my broke ass is trying to deal with Christmas. Double dipping bastards, I learned my lesson the first time.
Go see more of these Cupcakes, as well as all the classics and vote for your faves in the GALLERY.
Ah, but who is the Cupcake of THIS Month you ask? Well, GO AND SEE FOR YOURSELF, Kitten! You'll wonder what took me so long.
Okay, I guess we're all caught up now. There have been other parts of the site changed/eliminated/fixed, but there's no need to go on and on about them. You'll find them I'm sure, being so clever and all.
In the meantime, may the day after a holiday weekend not kick your ass, and don't let Whitey get you down.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:12 AM#