Tuesday, March 18, 2003"Noises On"
check your volumes
Judd Nelson "Breakfast Club" Soundboard.
Lotta' F-Words. Enjoy.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:07 AM#
"With Your Button-Down Lips..."
...and your roller-blind eyes.
Truth Out - "Bush is Out of Control. Arrest Me."
Kitten, reading this made me breathless.
Found this link via Irritant.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 12:53 AM#
Monday, March 17, 2003"Make a Difference"
sign a petition
Yeah, the world is fucked, but you can make a difference.
Make the world a better place, or at least ensure that there are cooler things to watch on DVD, yeah?
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:59 AM#
Fuckin' Gummi.Why you gotta' perpetuate this madness? Thanks a fuckin' lot for posting the link to the Starbucks Oracle, which tells you how you suck according to what you order.
Personality type: Asshat
You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. People who drink Grande Americano Three Shots are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.
Also drinks: Any drink with a foreign name
Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better
For the record, I haven't had a Starfucks beverage in like, seven years.
In fact, I recall the exact day because I was doing magic mushrooms with a really good friend at the time and about an hour and a half in, I decided the only thing I needed in the world was a frosty, sweet Frappachino.
It was a gorgeous summer day. After we dosed we laid on the couch in my friend's apartment listening to Soul Coughing (Ruby Vroom) and marvelling up at the exposed pipe traversing his pristine white ceiling, dreaming aloud at how perfectly beautiful it was and just loving every damn little thing. The door to his balcony was open and a clean, green, flowery breeze was blowing in and out and I decided it was really easy to be happy. I mean, I understood the secret to total and complete happiness, and I prayed the knowledge would last after the drugs wore off.
I got up and ventured out onto the balcony to look down and watch the clouds and the people of Cambridge going about their lives on this most beautiful of days. Kitten, those people were the funniest things I've ever seen. I remember hanging onto the railing and splitting my sides with laughter, pointing down and gasping back at my friend; "Lookit' this guy, dude! He's all walkin' and shit! Ahahahaaaa! Lookit' 'em go! Just walkin'! There he goes!"
No idea now exactly why I found those people so unbearably hilarious, and in no way was my amusement laced with condescension of any kind, or anything else ugly for that matter. No, people were just so funny that day, and on no other day have they ever been so purely amusing for me. It was beautiful, though.
Anyway, I digress. I decided I needed a Frappachino. A Frappachino would be oh so nice and delish on this balmy, breezy day. So, off to get a Frappachino we went. The walk there was a bit harrowing, seeing as I hadn't gotten over the humor of humanity and all. So, if anyone was walking in Cambridge that day, and I snorted out a blast of supressed laughter as you passed, it was totally nothing personal, I swear.
When we got there, it took a Hurculean act of courage to go up to the counter and order our Frappachinos because the girl behind the counter was not really a girl at all. She was a ferret. That's right Kitten, despite the "no pets allowed" decal on the door, there was clearly a ferret in a green Starbucks shirt working the counter. Mind you, it was still illegal to keep ferrets as pets in the state of Massachusettes, so perhaps the no pets policy wasn't technically being violated, but isn't a ferret or ferret-humanoid working in a food service establishment some kind of health code violation?
Look, this is neither here nor there. Once I convinced myself the ferret-girl was not going to bite us, I ordered the Frappachinos and my friend and I wandered off to some field somewhere to watch the sun set and feel the chemical influence loosen, though not altogether release its benevolent grip on our psyches. And it was the best damn Frappachino I've ever had, especially considering I haven't had one since. I don't think any Frappachino could ever live up to the perfection of that one anyway.
And for the record; I still understand the secret to complete and total, almost unbearably simple happiness, I just can't quite verbalize it. Maybe if I run into you on the street sometime, I can do some fuckin' interpretive dance or something, I don't know. We'll see.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:48 AM#
Friday, March 14, 2003Places to Be...
people to see
Cool show alert:
Kendall Cafe, starting somewhere in the 9:30-10:00 range, appearing with Andy Friedman, check out Paul Curreri, Kitten, because he is amazing in a way I can't convey without sounding like a gushing fan-girl.
Don't believe me? Visit his site and listen to some MP3s.
Thought that might do it.
See you there, then?
posted by taiwan_on 'round 12:06 AM#
Wednesday, March 12, 2003Wednesday "What-If?"
Kitten! The Wednesday What-If is just so intriguing today, no? I think it's time I started harrassing some of my favorite bloggers to start playing the home version of the game too. Okay, here goes:
1. What if you could have one super-human power -- what would it be?
To pull people into my dream-state as well as visit theirs. Like in Dreamscape, but au naturale; no electrodes and machines and shit. Remember that movie? 80's style! It's a cheesy flick now, but it had some great ideas.
2. What if you had the ability to change one thing about the past -- what would it be?
I'd have gone to college, like, right away. Then I'd have a gahd-damn degree and I wouldn't be a friggin' wage-slave right now. Or maybe I would, but I could command a higher salary.
3. What if you could read people's thoughts -- whose would you read, and what would you look for?
No, I don't think so. That might be scary. But if pressed I'd have to answer Boyfriend's. Just 'cuz I'm real nosy and I want to know exactly how he feels about me.
4. What if you could stop time for one hour (this includes freezing people in their tracks -- you're the only one "alive") -- what would you do?
I'd be the fucking Kissing Bandit, Kitten. You can bet on it! Rawr!
5. What if you could predict the future -- what do you see?
Empathy technology. Some kind of digital headgear that allows us to get deep into each others' internal worlds and feelings. Think of how much more compassionate we'd be towards each other! There'd be no racism, no sexism, no classism. I think if we really knew how we made each other feel and the shit each of us has to got through every day, we'd fuckin' lay off each other a little bit more. I'm talking to you mister anal-compulsive dickhead who was yelling at my favorite coffee-shop lady today!
posted by taiwan_on 'round 9:45 PM#
Monday, March 10, 2003"Love That Dirty Scotch & Water"
aww, Boston, you're my home!
Dig City-Search & Yahoo's Guide to Cheap Drinks in Boston, it's pretty frikken comprehensive. (Athough Tee Cee's off Mass Ave. and across from Berkeley, an affordable pub I've fallen, play-fighting, out the door of many nights in the past, is conspicuously absent. Don't think I didn't notice.)
I think Bitter Girl will be pleased to note that her fave, Sligo, is there, and of course, there's always the Abbey.
Speaking of drinks and Boston, go visit "Boat Drinks in Beantown", a blog I have been appreciating a lot lately, due to its non-native perspective of Boston. (what? "beantown" wasn't enough of a give-away that the author ain't from 'round heah'?) I love her style and have peed myself on more than one occasion with laughter. She's good, Kitten, real good.
In fact, there was a brilliant observation I wish I could have quoted directly, but it hasn't made it into her archives yet, so you'll have to deal with my hopelessly inaccurate paraphrasing:
"If Manhattan is the city that never sleeps, Boston is its overly-enthusiastic, baseball-hat-wearing brother who is all 'whoo-hoo! yeah! let's do this!' and then craps out on you at midnight saying; 'yeah, I really wanna' hang out, but I have to get up early'..."
Groan, too true baby, too true.
Anyway, keep up the great work, Jess, and shine on you crazy diamond.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 3:44 PM#
Blogger + Google =
Kitten! Do you mind telling me why I cannot fix my Blogger template?! And haven't been able to for at least a month now?
This is pissing me off mightily, I don't mind telling you.
I have worked and slaved and edited and even dragged old, formerly working templates out of every concievable archeological dig, but no, nothing changes.
The "died online" link should no longer be there because it appears the site has...well...died online, and there are some blogs in my "hos" section that gots to go as well as some new "pimps" that need recognizing. Not to mention how asthetically fucked up the whole thing has gotten for some reason.
Whenever I publish, I get a blank error message with a "more info" link to the troubleshooting section, but the "discussion" boards seem to be down. Any other Blogger users having this problem?
posted by taiwan_on 'round 3:13 PM#
Wednesday, March 05, 2003"What If... Wednesday"
and other compensations for my lack of creativity
Hey kids! It's time to play "Wednesday What if?".
Because I cannot think about anything else to talk about.
1. What if you were assured a wish come true when you blew out your birthday candles -- what would you wish for?
To have everything in my life stay exactly the same (because life really is sweet), save for the difference that me and everyone I love would be well-off enough to live high on the hog forever without ever having to work another stinkin' day at some pissant job ever again! Woo-hoo!
2. What if you could do one thing on your birthday -- what would it be?
Fuck. A lot.
3. What if you could spend your birthday with one other person -- who would it be?
Boyfriend. (see #2)
4. What if every gift you got for your birthday was the opposite of what you wanted -- how would you feel/handle it?
I don't even know if I can grasp that concept! Jeeze. Everyone I know seems to have some kind of psychic gift for getting me shit I love, even if I didn't even know it existed. I'm lucky in that respect. So, I guess if that ever happened, I'd wonder who these people were (probably aliens) and what they did with my peeps!
5. What if you could go back in time and completely change the way one of your past birthdays went -- which one would it be, and what would you change about it?
Oh gawd, where to even begin! Definitely my 21st. I was living with my best friend at the time in Southie and working this slave-ass retail job I hated. (Deja fuckin' vu, right?) Anyway, it was worse than this one because it paid *exactly* minimum wage and not one penny more, plus it was union. That meant I paid for some exhorbitant protection racket to do nothing for me other than assure I couldn't lose my shitty, shitty, shitty job no matter how hard I tried.
So, obviously times were hard and it was payday and my b-day and I was working until 10:00 PM. The only bright spot I had to look forward to was that I knew I'd have just enough money, not only for food for a few days, but maybe a six-pack to celebrate my big two-one. I knew my best friend was having some people over as sort of an impromptu party thing, so I couldn't wait for my shift to end.
Well, shift ended, and I went to pick up my check and payroll had screwed it up (as they often did) and I ended up only getting paid for two days instead of the 6 I had worked that week. (I usually worked six days a week, but they kept me at 35 to 39 hours so that they didn't have to pay me as a full-time employee. Bastards. But this particular retail establishment went bankrupt about 6 years ago, so, call it karma. HA-HA!) When I looked at that check, I'm not shitting you, I cried. I stood in front of the payroll dept. window, which I assume must have been bulletproof, and I sobbed, scaring the little blue-haried lady at the desk. It was bad.
Then I get home and there are all these people at our apartment who I knew didn't "gel" with my friends, so half of the apartment was one faction of people, and the other half was taken over by the other faction, and both were talking shit about each other. Very uncomfortable flitting between the two, and then I got reamed for spending more time with one faction than the other, but they fucking had weed and were sharing, so, they were the winners as far as I was concerned.
And while I was at work I guess people were fucking in my bed?! It was all wrinkled and sweated up and there were 2 condom wrappers jammed in the sheets and it really pissed me off. I suspect half of the reason I was so offended by this little transgression was that I was dating a real dickhead at the time, and I knew he'd get too drunk to be of any use to me by the end of the night, so it seemed ludicrous that anyone should be having sex in my bed considering I certainly wasn't going to.
And I'm not 100% sure, but I think that was the same night a joint made the rounds that was laced with something chemical and ugly, and my friend Christine and I staged a little "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" number in my bedroom where we locked ourselves in there all a-twitter with paranoia, scared to go back out into the party to fetch our cigarettes which we really really wanted, by the way. We finally heard another, less threatening friend talking in the kitchen, so we called him through the door and convinced him to bring them to us where we proceeded to open the door only a crack, snatch the butts and lock the door again. We must have been in there at least an hour and in that time the shady chick that brought the joint to the party ransacked my friend Christine's purse, took all of her Christmas shopping money and then took all of the change me and my best friend had amassed in a coffee can for laundry because the washer-dryer was broken. She left all the pennies, though, so I guess that's something.
So, to recap, my 21st went a little something like this:
A shift at work on my b-day and about 1/3 my minimum wage paycheck at the end of it.
A party populated by folks who sincerely disliked each other and made no secret of it.
Good weed (the only bright spot).
Bad weed (cancelled out the good weed).
One warm (Budweiser) beer, offered rather reluctantly by a mere stranger after she realized it was my 21st and I had nothing to drink.
Ugly shouting matches (I don't recall about what, but I'm sure they happened at some point).
A useless boyfriend who was not only too drunk to fuck, but inconsiderately passed out diagonally across my tiny bed so I had to sleep on the floor.
No motherfucking coffee or bread for toast in the morning because our asshole party goers had stayed until dawn and cleaned out the little food we did have. Grr.
Kitten, if that birthday isn't a "do-over", than I don't know wha the fuck is!
posted by taiwan_on 'round 9:53 PM#
Tuesday, March 04, 2003"Two Fer Tuesday"
and to hell with the rules!
Okay, so I am doing my 2nd set of "This or That Tuesday" questions, as promised, but I'm not doing today's questions, because they are about food and, well, I'm all full from dinner and stuff. Instead I'm getting in my way-back machine and doing the one from Feb. 4th because it's about sleep and I'm tired. Oh, so tired.
1. Morning or night person?
Such a night person. Still such a night person. Can't believe how bad mornings still hurt me. *sigh*
2. Heavy or light sleeper?
Heavy as fuck. You could drive a dozen screaming firetrucks through my bedroom and I'd sleep right through it!
3. Remember your dreams or not?
Most of the time I remember them a little too well. Weekday reality can seem boring by comparison.
4. Do you need a lot of sleep, or just a little?
Fuck I need a lot. Like, nine hours is ideal, but I almost never get that. On average I get about five. Ain't that a bitch?
5. Do you need something like a nightlight or TV to sleep, or do you prefer complete darkness?
Complete and total, perfect darkness.
6. Flannel sheets or some other kind?
Tee Shirt Sheets, baby. Oh yeaaaaaaah.
7. One pillow, or more?
More than one, because I like my pillows squishy like marshmallow fluff.
8. Bedroom door opened or closed at night?
Closed. God knows what I might get up to in the middle of the night. Sheesh.
9. Wrap yourself into blankets like a cocoon, or just cover yourself with them?
Just cover myself with them, but I have been known to submerge myself in them, head completely swathed. Particularly in winter.
10. Alarm clock: wake to music or buzzer?
Rock and roll, baby! That buzzer has been known to fill me with a firey and irrational rage. And god help me, it's the Stern show! I need all the rude giggles I can get in the morning, y'know?
posted by taiwan_on 'round 9:14 PM#
"You Can Roll With This..."
or you can roll with that.
It has belatedly come to my attention that the hot blog thing with the kids these days is "The Tuesday This or That".
Well I'm getting on this bus, and feeling a bit of a capricious little fuck, I'm going to pick the one from February 18th to do. And this'll be a two-fer later, as I plan on doing today's after work. Ain't I a pissah'? Nyah!
1. Black or white?
Black wherever and whenever possible, but I like fresh, crisp white tee shirts and undies a lot.
2. Plaid or stripes?
Plaid. I'm a former catholic school girl. Plaid is one of the many ways they warped my impressionable little mind. Plus I'm Scottish, so, having a plaid with your family name tends to make one a bit biased.
3. Paperback or hardcover books?
Paperback, always, because I lug my reading material everywhere with me. Unless it's something that's completely altered my consciousness in some way; then I want it in hardcover for posterity's sake.
4. Color or B&W printer?
What?! You're kidding, right? Color. Duh! I like to do crafty shit like make rude little customized iron-on transfers for my aforementioned crisp white undies sometimes, so a crafty bitch like me gots to have the color.
5. Golden oldies or the newest tunes?
Oooh, tough call. Newest (like; "no-one-has-even-heard-of-these-guys-yet" new) tunes for the most part, because I like that feeling of discovery. But considering that some of my early musical memories (70's & 80's) are now in the "classic rock" genre and I still listen to them and add 'em to mixed CDs, I guess I go both ways.
6. Ice cream: in a cone or a dish?
Dish unless it's some place that is really renowned for their home-made waffle cones, then I might bend. A cone is such a commitment, you know? Sometimes I wanna' scoop that's too small to fit in a cone. And commitment aside, I likes me some hot fudge or hot butterscotch topping every now and then. You can't rock that in a cone, G.
7. Bath or shower?
SHOWER! Baths are so eeeeew. I just don't feel clean after. Don't get me wrong; a nice warm, fragrant soak with all the accoutrements (candles, wine, spliff, boy, vibrating rubber duckie) is nice sometimes, but there better be some friggin' showerin' after!
8. Are you outgoing or shy?
I'm outgoing to compensate for my shyness, most of the time. Chances are if I'm chatting you up in a bar, or making some other first gesture of contact toward you, then I'm a "puking with nervousness on the inside" kinda' clown.
9. Answer the phone when it rings, or screen calls?
Screen. See? I just tongue-kissed my caller ID.
10. VCR or TiVO?
Aw, dude I wish I had TiVo, but I don't, but I'm going with TiVo anyway. I just don't want it to record any of that "recommended viewing" shit. I hear that doesn't work. Unless it tapes every episode of "Real Sex" for me, or anything else with "Sex" in the title. That'd be sweet.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:16 AM#
Monday, March 03, 2003"Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck!"
...and other jolly sentiments for a great night out.
Kitten, if you weren't at the Abbey Lounge Saturday night, you missed one hell of a time!
Jennifer O'Connor, Soltero, Choo Choo La Rouge (who has a new site design! check it out!) and The In Out rocked my friggin' socks off, I'm telling you. Every set was too damn short and too damn good.
The infamous and fashionable Bitter Girl was in attendance, as well as the lovely and amazing Gummi, who exceeded all of my wildest rockstar-like coolness expectations. Seriously, I don't know what it is, but it's true; she is so gorgeous and petite one feels the insane urge to lift her, bench her over one's head, perhaps, and even, god help me, fling her against the spot where the wall meets the ceiling just to see if she will ricochet around the room like a little turbo-powered Superball. No, wait, scratch that last one; she does a fine job of careening around the room all on her own. Besides, I don't really think her stunning girlfriend would have approved of me hucking her Gummi around like that, anyway. First on my "to-do" list? Become more Gummi-like. This is something we should all aspire to.
My dear and seldom seen (my fault!) friend Helenor-You're-Really-Swellenor was there, too, along with her terribly cool boyfriend, The Brain. Do you know what she brought me, Kitten? Well, do you? Philosophy's Kiss Me Red! Dudes! I have been lusting after that particular product for, like, a month! I wanted it sooo badly, but all of the retailers that sell it are all out-of-the-way in this neck of the woods, so I just had to suffer in online lust gazing at pictures of it the way some people view pornography. I was already dizzy with glee that she was in attendance, but then to present me with tasty red lip balm and a funny retro card? The cherry on my cake, Kitten. She fucking rocks!
Oh, and I'd like to also thank Johnny Walker Black for reprazentin' and being my constant companion all night and getting me more fucked up than I've been in years. So fucked up, in fact, that I called the Choo's singer Vinnie "John" on at least five seperate occasions, giggling like a simp every time. (Sorry Vinnie!) I'm not a drinker. I just don't drink well. But goddamned if I wasn't liquored outta' my tits for the duration of the evening. I forgot how fun that was! In fact, I should thank Boyfriend most of all for having the good grace to put up with my ensuing zaniness and for pouring the appropriate vitamin/electrolyte replacement down my throat before, ahem, bedding me with extreme care. Kitten; nobody deserves to party like that and wake up feeling as good as I did. It's sinful, I tellsya. And yes, he fucking rocks too! In itallics.
Think it doesn't get any better than this? Well, try adding a silver topless-chick-in-a-thong lighter with dual flames and nipples and a cooch that glows red when you light it. $4 retail. Who says money can't buy happiness? Git down.
posted by taiwan_on 'round 1:30 AM#